It's been 28 years. 28 years since as an 8 year old I lost my Mom. 28 years since the path of my life was defined--literally forever.
I sit reading through my Mom's journal tonight. She wasn't great at keeping one, but she tried. She has entries like:
"I held a canning demonstration on the 8th for the young adult girls. It was fun."
"Joan had a supper and made her pasties."
"Willard took us out to dinner at Juniper Inn."
"Kathryn had a school picture this year." (Giggle see a few posts back on that subject.)
"The winter has been long and cloudy. It still is cloudy. We are hoping for sunshine soon!"
"Mother is well. Grandma Thornley is still not well. Grandpa T. went to the concert though."
I LOVE reading my Mom's journal. I only hope my blog entries will be as entertaining to my posterity. Pretty much all the memories I have of a child before she died are recorded in her journal. All in short bursts with little detail. I had no idea of knowing she recorded those things, but it gives me comfort to know the things I remember as being important, she did too. As I read the journal I find out she is real. She is busy. Sometimes she is frustrated. Sometimes she is down. But mostly she is positive. Mostly she is appreciative of her blessings and her trials. Mostly she is amazing.
As a teenager, people would offer sympathy for not having a Mom around. At the time while I appreciated the thoughts, it didn't bother me so as I didn't know any different. As a Mom now, I cry for the things SHE missed out on. I can't imagine how hard it must of been for her to leave. If she were here I would love to tell her a few things.
She might be surprised to find out that the too shy, too quiet little 8 year old that sat still for more than an hour while she visited with her visiting teachers one afternoon because she was too embarrassed to ask to play has since gone on to get a Journalism degree, spoken out at city council meetings and even participated in a reality style Radio program contest.
I would love to tell her about my kids. How her granddaughter Emily Annette who share her name is now 13. How responsible and thoughtful she is. How talented and driven she is. How completely like her Grandmother she is. How her grandson Tim is a thinker, a reader, a planner, a dreamer. How her sweet granddaughter Sierra is quiet like me...but not shy in the least. How inventive she is. How charming she is. How her spunky granddaughter Savanna loves Winnie the Pooh. How I love reading it to her like my Mom read to me. How full of life and joy she is. How Ethan is adorable, funny, loving and thoughtful. How being a Mom is so important to me and how much I want to be like my own Mom.
Somehow I do think she knows these things. Her last entry in her journal goes like this.
"I'm glad I started this book in 1968. It has been a great help to me. I hope my grandchildren and children even are given some help and encouragement from this book! I want to express my testimony. I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I know God hears and answers prayers. I know that by paying your tithing you receive the blessings promised to you. I believe that in the resurrection we can be reunited as a family if we live for that blessing. I'm grateful for all the blessings I have received from my Father In Heaven. I believe Jesus is my Savior and I want to try to do the things necessary for eternal life. Again, I know God answers prayers. I give this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ Amen." April 12, 1981
She had 7 more months. She gave the greatest gift of all to her children and grandchildren. I only hope to be like her someday.
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9 comments:
great post. i definitely have those thoughts in relation to my dad. so precious to have those thoughts/feelings about your mother - especially since you were so young when she died.
yes, i wish there was a "like" button like on FB. 28 years is a long time to be without your mom. it's wonderful that you still take the time to remember her.
like your new header, too.
This was really nice to read. It makes me glad that I've started blogging, because I am terrible at journal writing. I am glad you have these journal entries to give you comfort. Your mom sounds like she was a lovely lady.
Thanks for sharing this part of your mom. I only have one real memory of your mother. I spent an afternoon at your house, with you, and Jenni, and Heather and we read Winnie the Pooh, out loud, as a play. I thought it was so cool - it was the first time I had ever done anything like that. I'm sure your Mom is so proud of you, and all of your other siblings.
What a great reminder that anything we write in a journal can be important, even if we only write sporadically. I think a lot of people figure it's too hard to start writing because they don't do it regularly, but it's so much better that nothing!
I'm so sorry you had to lose your mom when you were young. I didn't know that about you.
I also love your new header.
Thanks guys for your comments.
Sharon--I could swear I saw an entry about that Winnie the Pooh play last night but I can't find it today. (Maybe I dreamed it eh? Amy :) )
Anyway, I found another that made me laugh.
"Today I took cupcakes with Judy Daines (We are room mothers) to 1st class. Kathryn and Kirk passed them out."
This cracks me up because I totally remember this. It is when I developed a crush on Kirk and I memorized his phone number. (My mom had to call his mom) [563-5635] Real hard to memorize. *giggle* Now this better not get out at our next class reunion or I am never talking to you again. ;)
I loved this post because I got to learn a little bit about your mom. She'd be so proud of you and your family.
Love it, love it. I'm sure your mom looks down all the time, proud of who you've become.
Thank you for saying the things I can't.
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