I'm a stand up to the lady who has a big dog that is scaring my kids at the park Mom. I'm a march into the post office and talk to the post master because my postal person left ANOTHER note saying I wouldn't get my mail for some odd reason. I'm a drop in at the principal's office to once again chit chat about why my kid is not getting the education he should Mom. I'm a talk out of turn at a City Council meeting kind of person. I'm a sign up for a crazy Radio Contest to talk about politics person. I'm even a sing in Church (even though I didn't really want to) person. (I'm most likely quite obnoxious now that I think about it.) But...I didn't used to be like that. I used to be the turn red because someone mentioned your name in passing person. Or the sit at the back of the class..not all the way back mind you but more in the middle back on the far left so I wouldn't be noticed and have to answer a question person. Or the person that managed to say only about 10 words on a date to SLC and back person. I was THAT person a long time ago... in high school. I don't really know that person very well anymore. We really aren't on speaking terms. She was kicked out years ago and rarely invited back. So...why is it, that the moment I see someone whether in person or online that I knew 'back then' that the real me, the new me...seems to cower in the background and peeks over the hedges.
I guess the question is...are we only the person that someone knew...when they knew us?
I recently signed up on Facebook and started looking for old friends. Thoughts like..well maybe they won't remember me popped up. Or maybe they do remember me and don't want to talk to me. OR MAYBE they wouldn't like the NEW me. My heart starts thumping, my fingers are clammy, I can hardly type, or talk...I turn red..its high school all over. Why on earth would I ever want to go to a high school reunion??? ACK...even worse...now I'll have to go...to conquer my fears.
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9 comments:
Holy cow, I have noticed this same thing. It's almost like we pick up the relationship right where it left off. Even though both parties have evolved and matured independent of each other, the interaction between them never did. It was just put on hold.
Strange.
Why is this?
I think it's because we re-act to how other people are re-acting/treating us. And - worse - we remember how we used to re-act/ be treated/ or treat others and our memories overcome our actions. However, if we're continually around someone, and they watch us evolve from quiet, shy girl, to vocal, nearly-obnoxious woman, then our relationship develops as we develop, and voila - no problem, , , I think. I'm not sure it came out in words like it's in my head, but oh well.
Kathryn, can a commenter leave a comment for another commenter on your blog? Yes? Thanks.
Ken/Sharon (whomever you are): That was a fantastic explanation. It's hard to NOT let those memories hijack us right back to the person we used to be.
Have you ever noticed how certain people will bring out certain traits in us? There was once a lady I worked with who brought out the witty side in me. I'm not sure I've seen Ms. Witty again quite like I did back them. Then there is Ms. Social, Ms. Not-too-social, Ms. Self-conscious, Ms. Sure of Herself. They pop out and then hide depending on who's around. It's kind of like the ol' game Whack-a-mole (I do realize that I have made myself sound like I have multiple personalities).
Brenda - I quite agree with your thoughts that people bring out a part of ourselves - it's like we "reflect" what we're around. I think the challenge for me is overcoming that "reflection", when it reflects a side of me I don't like. Oh, and by the way, I'm Sharon - Kathryn's cousin :)
Nice to meet you Sharon, cousin of Kathryn. If you are related to Kathryn, then you must be cool.
It makes me wonder why we just can't be the same no matter who we are around.
All your comments just made my day. :)
Your post left me not thinking why, but how! Keep on blogging and I'm going to have to move in with you for a couple weeks so I can be you.
So how do you feel you made the transition? I'm definitely different than I used to be, thankfully evolving all the time. But when I want to chew out the principal, or contradict someone's irrational and rude comment, or march in and talk to the post master (which yes, I need to because the counter ladies were really 'not smart' the other day), my emotions want to take over and I start feeling like the freaky irrational one and just stop talking. So now I need a good post on how. By the time I go to the post office please. :) They seriously told me the cheapest way to send a DK paperback easy reader book wrapped in 2 sheets of paper (yes for paperbackswap) was priority. Three of them. HELLO?!? I didn't even feel bad holding up the line of 5-6 people while they all discussed it.
Marni,
I'm not a hundred percent on the how...but I know it started when we built our house. I was the one that coordinated most of the sub contractors and you have to be firm with them. I think something just kind of flipped inside me and if I feel like I'm in the right then I press my advantage. Mind you I still get a bit tongue-tied at times. But something inside just gets ticked off with myself if I don't take a stand. I guess its less easy to deal with my self irritation than to not go for it. Not sure if that makes sense.
Nice on the postal ladies...hello its a BOOK...either First class or media mail if its to heavy.
Oh yeah, one rule I always try to follow is to not blame...I try to explain rather than blame. Like, We've had some frustrations with not getting our mail deliverd...how can WE solve this problem? Doesn't always work, but it is much harder for the other person to argue with you. :)
Very good ideas. Maybe I need to look for a book on this. Chewing People out for Dummies. :)
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